Dear Chase,

Today you are a few days more than 4 months old. It's so hard for me to believe that a year ago, you weren't even on my mind, and today I can't stop thinking about you.

You know, this time last year, I was preparing to go to start my Master's Degree. Your daddy and I were preparing to move to Chicago, IL and start a journey together. We were so excited about going on an adventure as a couple and doing something new. Little did we know, that God had other plans for us-but a journey and an adventure none the less!

I'll never forget the day I found out about you. It was June 22 or 23. I swore I had the flu. I was so sick to my stomach, but daddy thought that it might be something more, so we went to the store and bought a test. Daddy had just went to the doctor and had to head back to the store, so I took the test to see if I was pregnant without daddy there. It took just a second to show up that it was positive and that you were coming. My world, in that moment, with two pink lines, suddenly shifted.

Over the course of the next few months, everything changed for Daddy and I. At first, I wasn't sure about all the changes, because I thought I knew the plans I had for myself were good. And i still think they are good, but they weren't God's plans. Over time, my life started to focus on you-even before you came. You were suddenly more important that any dream or goal I could ever imagine.

On the day you were born, it was easily one of the happiest moments of my life! We were all pretty scared because we didn't know if you were going to be okay, since you came extra early. But now we know that God knew best (yet again) and it was time for you to come! You were perfect! That first night with you, even though you kept me and daddy up, and it was hard, was so special to me. To be able to hold my baby boy was an experience I'll never be able to describe to you with words until you hold your own baby for the first time. I didn't want to put you down and sleep wasn't as important to me as you were.

In the past four months, we have started getting to know each other. I've learned a lot about being a mommy and you have taught me a lot about myself. There are some things I want to be sure that you know, no matter what.

First of all, I want you to know God's love for you. I often say that you are my proof that there is a God and that he loves us more than we could ever know. I've heard it said many times that a mother's love is an image of what God's love for us would be like. You may not have been in our plans, Chase, but you were in God's plans. And God knew better than I did, and he knew better than Daddy did. I pray that as you grow up, you get to know God in a way that changes your life too. I pray that God gives Daddy and I the wisdom to raise you into the man he'd have you be. And I pray that you allow him to mold you and shape you. I pray that you love God like Daddy and I love him.

Second, I want you to know how much I love you. Every night I hold you long after you've fallen asleep. As you lay on my chest, my heart explodes with love for you. I joke, saying that you carry my heart in your pocket, but it's not far from the truth. My love for you is unconditional and will not change, regardless of what the future may hold.

Daddy and I talk a lot about how before you came, we were just going through the motions of living and we weren't really happy. But now that you are here, you have brought so much joy into our lives.

You are my miracle.

I love you, Chase.

Love,

Mommy

I have something to say...

I have so many thoughts running through my head. I used to journal daily, even if it was just to write down what happened that day and my thoughts surrounding that. But then I stopped. I'm not sure why, I guess that life got in the way. But here I sit-deciding to start again-after my husband told me "You should write again." So, I'm writing.

Sometimes I won't have anything to say-well, not anything that most people would care about reading-but usually I do have something to say...and this is going to be my place to say it.

The past two weeks, I have been attending a church in Kokomo that is doing a 4 week series on Staying in Love. Of course, the topic of relationships and marriage always catches my attention, but this series offers something more than just "tips" and "advice" or even simply reminding us the importance of staying married. This series offers truth on relationships-and in a fresh new way. So far, in both of the services, I have learned something profoundly new, and I studied relationships and marriage during my undergrad.

I believe, like most people, that it is completely possible to not just be married for life, but to be in love, for life. Not only do I believe that it is possible, I believe that it is possible in my marriage. Doug and I talk often about how we hope to be 10, 25, 50 years down the road. More often than not, we talk about how we do not want our relationship to look.

If you know us, you know that neither of us came from a stable home life. Many people would define our families as dysfunctional. And yet, we continue to have the "hope" that our marriage will not resemble the marriages and relationships we were modeled growing up. This series is all about doing just that-loving each other in the way that God had intended us to do.

Last week, Andy Stanley, a pastor out of Alpharetta, GA, "spoke" through video-message about the topic of Staying in love. He made several, in my opinion, profound points that are relevant to each of us, regardless of our relationship status or our satisfaction in our current romantic relationship.

He started off making the point that to fall in love requires no more than a pulse. Each of us is capable of falling in love. It doesn't take much work to do that. But staying in love requires a plan. He pointed out that "as a culture, we have a low pain-tolerance relationally". This is evident to anyone who is aware of the statistics for divorce rates in our country, especially compared to other cultures and countries. We have been raised to believe that if we are hurt in our marriage relationship as a results of lies, affairs, or just emotional distance, that at that point it is not only acceptable that we abandoned our relationship, but it is even expected in many instances. Even our Christian friends would advise many of us to seek divorce in instances of adultery. (brace yourselves...you might not like what you are able to read...) Yes, the bible even says that in cases of adultery, we are granted "permission" to divorce without "penalty". But, I challenge you to change your way of thinking. Even in case of adultery, marriages CAN be saved. I maintain that ANY marriage can be saved, regardless of the hurt and pain that the relationship has caused...

(getting back on track...)

Andy also made the point that the word "love" has become a noun in our vocabulary. What "Love" should be though...is a verb. He stated "We need to start making love...(pause)...a verb" and "When you starting making love (pause) a verb...you will make love more often." I bet that got your attention! What does this mean, exactly?

Well, love as a noun means that there is no action. We fall (verb) in love (noun). Like falling (verb) in a pool (noun). What it needs to look like is a term called "mutual submission". What mutual submission is "You first..." "...No, you first". It means putting the other person first, no matter what. He joked, saying that the couple that does this would never get through the door because they'd stand there all day telling the other to go first. But in all seriousness, think about what this would look like...and what this would do in your marriage/relationship. When this happens in a relationship, it becomes POWERFUL stuff.

Think about what this means for you. It is a challenge. It isn't easy to do-constantly putting someone else before yourself-especially if it's your spouse (we do this all the time with our children...usually). But I challenge you to do this.

They left us with discussion questions for the week. I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this if you'd want to share.

Bible Verse:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value

others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to

the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same attitude of mind Christ

Jesus had:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something

to be used to his own advantage;

rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being

made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled himself by

becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:3-8

Today’s New International Version

Discussion Questions:

What is one thing you could do to show someone close to you that you value him or her

above yourself?

What is one specific way you could show interest in the things that are most important to

someone you love?

What act of service could you do for someone you love that would come as a shock to him

or her?

What emotions surface when you think about acting on these ideas?

What keeps you from making these ideas habits in your relationships?

What would you do differently this week if your goal were to actively love the

person you are closest to the way he or she desires?

Feel free to comment with your thoughts.

For more information on this series, check out the series at North Point Online and Oakbrook Church.