You know, this time last year, I was preparing to go to start my Master's Degree. Your daddy and I were preparing to move to Chicago, IL and start a journey together. We were so excited about going on an adventure as a couple and doing something new. Little did we know, that God had other plans for us-but a journey and an adventure none the less!
I'll never forget the day I found out about you. It was June 22 or 23. I swore I had the flu. I was so sick to my stomach, but daddy thought that it might be something more, so we went to the store and bought a test. Daddy had just went to the doctor and had to head back to the store, so I took the test to see if I was pregnant without daddy there. It took just a second to show up that it was positive and that you were coming. My world, in that moment, with two pink lines, suddenly shifted.
Over the course of the next few months, everything changed for Daddy and I. At first, I wasn't sure about all the changes, because I thought I knew the plans I had for myself were good. And i still think they are good, but they weren't God's plans. Over time, my life started to focus on you-even before you came. You were suddenly more important that any dream or goal I could ever imagine.
On the day you were born, it was easily one of the happiest moments of my life! We were all pretty scared because we didn't know if you were going to be okay, since you came extra early. But now we know that God knew best (yet again) and it was time for you to come! You were perfect! That first night with you, even though you kept me and daddy up, and it was hard, was so special to me. To be able to hold my baby boy was an experience I'll never be able to describe to you with words until you hold your own baby for the first time. I didn't want to put you down and sleep wasn't as important to me as you were.
In the past four months, we have started getting to know each other. I've learned a lot about being a mommy and you have taught me a lot about myself. There are some things I want to be sure that you know, no matter what.
First of all, I want you to know God's love for you. I often say that you are my proof that there is a God and that he loves us more than we could ever know. I've heard it said many times that a mother's love is an image of what God's love for us would be like. You may not have been in our plans, Chase, but you were in God's plans. And God knew better than I did, and he knew better than Daddy did. I pray that as you grow up, you get to know God in a way that changes your life too. I pray that God gives Daddy and I the wisdom to raise you into the man he'd have you be. And I pray that you allow him to mold you and shape you. I pray that you love God like Daddy and I love him.
Second, I want you to know how much I love you. Every night I hold you long after you've fallen asleep. As you lay on my chest, my heart explodes with love for you. I joke, saying that you carry my heart in your pocket, but it's not far from the truth. My love for you is unconditional and will not change, regardless of what the future may hold.
Daddy and I talk a lot about how before you came, we were just going through the motions of living and we weren't really happy. But now that you are here, you have brought so much joy into our lives.
You are my miracle.
I love you, Chase.
Love,
Mommy
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